Get F’n Real Pt. 2: the Neurosis of the Normal

“In accord with clinical theories that emphasize the self-deceptive nature of narcissistic self-regulation (e.g., Kohut, 1977) we assume that the relevant mechanism is repression. That is, we think that the avoidance strategy is applied automatically and that the person is not aware he or she is defending against threatening stimuli by avoiding them. This is in contrast to explicit suppression where the strategy is implemented intentionally (for a historical overview see Erdelyi, 2006). To describe the consequence of repression (or suppression) processes on the level of associative networks we use the terms ‘‘activation” and ‘‘inhibition”. Our premise is that narcissists are in a chronically vigilant state to detect potential threats in order to protect their grandiose selves, while at the same time they are focusing on opportunities to confirm their positive self-views to satisfy their addiction to self-esteem (Baumeister & Vohs, 2001). In the current investigation our aim was to provide support for both the hypervigilance toward ego threats and for automatically implemented repression of worthlessness. We hypothesized that after a threat to a narcissists’ sense of self-worth, this chronically vigilant state leads to an initial activation of worthlessness, followed by an inhibition thereof.” from Journal of Experimental Social Psychology 45 (2009) 1252–1258 “Narcissistic defensiveness: Hypervigilance and avoidance of worthlessness“. Download the entire article here:

http://www.sakkyndig.com/psykologi/artvit/horvath2009.pdf

The above passage is a brilliant summation of what I call “the neurosis of the normal”.  12 Step calls this phenomenon “the ego maniac with the inferiority complex.” I call it ‘the neurosis of the normal’ because this is the strategy that very successful people use to keep reassuring themselves that they are successful and deserving of all their imagined self-praise. This is what you see all over the Buddhist sanghas (and other churches, to be fair). You see people engaging in this kind of repressive avoidance of anything that would imply fault or failure in order to assuage the voices that tell them they are worthless and to convince themselves that they are indeed successful and e.g.  ‘worthy,’ ‘enlightened’, ‘basically good’, etc. That’s why I find that people in Buddhist sanghas have a morbid fear of being honest with themselves and a terror of being honest with anyone else. Instead, the sangha creates a dream-world of exceptionalism where everyone puts up a facade of perfect composure, where they are able to imagine themselves as ‘good’, ‘special’, ’empowered’, ‘gods’, and where they never have to face the truth about themselves to themselves or to anyone else.

And, whad’ya know, the cure for this ‘neurosis of the normal’ is vulnerability. Watch this tedx talk by Brene Brown on The Power of Vulnerability and how it empowers us to connect with others.